I can't ask my partner to do it he never would in a million years. I'm not "crying out for help." I went through years of therapy, countless drug cocktails, and hospitalization and the best thing that has ever happened is a few months of peace before I build up a resistance to drugs I'm taking and they no longer work. Pills? I have plenty, but bad things can happen before they finally finish you off. Even jumping off a building would take too long. A gun would be quick, but I can't buy one because I've been in a mental hospital. I don't want it to be drawn out and/or painful.
The problem is my fear of the pain involved in dying. I alienate everyone I come in contact with because I can't make even the smallest of small talk, so people dismiss me as being a snob. I've tried school on-and-off, but the cyclical nature of my depression and phobias have made it all but impossible to graduate college. Therefore I have no career to look forward to, nor any foreseeable way of making a difference in this world, especially when I'm too afraid to say hi to anyone at the deli I've been going to for years. He's struggled most of his life to make ends meet and I think it would be a gift to him if I got out of the way so he could enjoy my wealth, hopefully with someone more stable than me.Īt 36 I have only held two brief summer jobs and am currently unemployable (how will I explain my lack of résumé?). Oh, he acts supportive, but I think he's really not very happy at all. He doesn't deserve the kind of mental abuse I put him through and probably would be happier with me dead and him with my money. The person I live with I drive crazy with my fears and depression. I'm a trust fund baby with a social phobia, both of which have conspired to sap me of any ambition in life. How do I end my life when I'm too much of a coward to do it? I'm serious when I say that I really have nothing to live for. Hours of operation are 24/7 and it's confidential. If you are in need of help, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
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